Living with...
- Living With Untreatable Cancer (1)
- Autism In The Church - A Parent’s Perspective (2)
It Is Well With My Soul
‘Our next hymn is number 809, When peace like a river.’ By the time I got halfway through the first verse the tears were running down my face. By the time I finished the first chorus I knew it really was ‘well with my soul’. What had brought me to this point?
My health had been giving me problems for 18 years. Until then I was relatively fit and healthy. I was holding down a full-time job in a comprehensive school, busy at home with four teenage children, three of whom were taking exams and I was very involved in our church. Overnight all that changed! I was admitted to hospital with a serious flesh-eating bug. I needed much surgery, time in the intensive care unit when my husband was called in twice to say goodbye, and a three month stay in hospital. I gradually improved and was able to return to work but I never got back the fitness I had. One of the side effects from my illness was lymphoedema in my legs which led to lots of episodes of cellulitis. I did not need to go into hospital each time but when I did, I lost more of my fitness and there was a gradual deterioration over time.
He will neither slumber nor sleep
I was very aware that many folk were praying for me. One of the verses that became very special to me at the time was from Psalm 121. The psalmist talks about God keeping us and that the sun and moon will not strike us but the key verse for me was verse 4:
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
Even though I was sleeping much of the time and whilst in intensive care had been kept asleep for ten days, my God was not sleeping and he continued to keep me from all evil. I didn’t know what he was doing but he was certainly in control, working out his plan in my life. He also had a hand on our family. He kept us all safe and close to him.
More recently, my husband and I had Covid badly, needing to be hospitalised for several weeks. My husband has made a slow recovery, and has a little way to go but I was no longer able to leave the house or even the room I was in. ‘Lord, what are you doing?’ I would ask. ‘Lord, what can I do?’ The obvious answer was to pray. Life had been really busy but now I had time! I thought I had settled into a good routine and life was plodding on. With the use of online streaming through Covid, I was able to participate in church more than I had for a few years. The Zoom Tuesday morning prayer meeting remains a real blessing.
However, earlier this year it was discovered that I have breast cancer. With the blessing of my husband and children, I am not going to have treatment. My general health is now very poor, and my body wouldn’t cope with treatment.
The God of peace
This takes us back to the beginning. I was at home, listening alone to our service being live-streamed. I was even singing the hymn, thankful no-one was with me as I can no longer sing well due to all the anaesthetics I had eighteen years ago! My heart was making a joyful noise and I really meant it:
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come
let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And has shed his own blood for my soul.
In Philippians 4, Paul writes, ‘What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me practise these things and the God of peace will be with you’ (Phil.4:9). Just because I wasn’t going to live as long as expected didn’t mean I could just sit back and do nothing, even though I am in bed most of the time. I can pray and I can read, but God is bringing people to me whom I might not have seen before and I can witness to them. I pray that I will make the best of the opportunities that I have and I may freely tell others why it is indeed ‘well with my soul’.
Soli Deo Gloria! To God alone be the glory!
