I’ve spent far too long obsessing over the opening sentence of this article, typing and deleting different options, before deciding that none of them are good enough. Welcome to the life of a perfectionist!
Being a perfectionist can be exhausting. Maybe you know this from your own experience. Perhaps there are areas of your life, work or relationships where you struggle with anything less than perfection. Do you ever get that feeling at the end of the day that you should have done more, and you should have done it better? Do you hear those critical voices of doubt in your mind when you try to accomplish something? Do you procrastinate over starting new projects because you know you won’t do them perfectly? Do you tend to dwell on small mistakes or the sense that you are not good enough?
If you can relate to any of those things, I want to offer you some hope as a fellow perfectionist. This won’t be a perfect article but it will introduce you to a perfect God: the God of the Bible, who knows all of our imperfections, yet still loves us and includes us in his plans.
One of my favourite psalms is Psalm 103. When I feel trapped by my perfectionism, I often come back to this psalm. It reminds me of three liberating truths about God.
A God of mercy
I still remember my first visit to the headmaster’s office in Year 7. I hadn’t done anything wrong but I was still dreading what might happen. Maybe we think about God with that same sense of dread. We consider him a strict and volatile headteacher, ready to come down hard on us for even a minor violation of the uniform policy.
God is not like that:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities
(Ps. 103:8, 10).
The perfect Lord of the universe is very aware of all of our imperfections and our failings. He knows all of our sins. He knows all the ways in which we have fallen short of the God-centred lives we were made for. Yet he does not treat us as we deserve. He shows us mercy.
We see this clearly in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus who came down from the perfection of heaven to bring hope to imperfect sinners. When we put our trust in Jesus, he wipes away our past mistakes and restores our relationship with our Creator. This means I can begin each new day knowing that I am loved and accepted by God. When I’m haunted by past regrets, Jesus helps me to leave them in the past.
This is the God of mercy; he knows all my imperfections, yet still loves me.
A God of understanding
Our feelings of failure aren’t always about things we’ve done wrong. Sometimes, we are burdened by our inability to do enough. Psalm 103 offers hope for these perfectionist struggles too.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust
(Ps. 103:13, 14).
In other words, God knows that we can’t do everything! After all, he made us, and he knows our limitations and our weaknesses; he remembers that we are dust. In my perfectionism, I can set myself impossible standards or expectations. When I fail to reach them, God is not angry, frustrated or disappointed with me. He still loves me as my Father in heaven. He’s compassionate. He understands.
My children regularly give me pictures that they’ve drawn. None of them would win a Turner prize but I don’t criticise them for their artistic limitations. I know they are only children, and they are children that I love so I gladly put the pictures on display. If we know God as our Father, he treats us as children whom he loves, with all of our frailties and inabilities.
When we believe in Jesus, we also gain a heavenly friend with first-hand experience of human weakness. God the Son came to earth as a man and faced the struggles and limitations of human life. Now he is in heaven, ready to help us with sympathy and understanding as we go through the same struggles. With Jesus, we can learn to accept our humanness and rest in our Father’s love, whatever we do or don’t achieve.
A God of power
Alongside God’s mercy and understanding, Psalm 103 highlights the liberating reality of God’s power and authority:
The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all
(Ps. 103:19).
I can’t always accomplish everything I would like to. My plans don’t always work out but God’s plans never fail. His authority is the highest in the universe and nothing can stop him finishing his work and bringing all his plans to completion. If we know this God, we can find our confidence and security in his plans, not our own. We don’t need to get everything right and we don’t need to cover all the bases. God will still take care of us and make everything right in the end. Where my plans fall short, his are perfect.
His power is so amazing that he uses our limited, imperfect work in his great plans for the universe. My shortcomings and weaknesses won’t stop him from working in my life or using me for the good of others. At the start of each day, I can commit my activities into his hands, asking for his help. At the end of each day, I can rest in his powerful arms of love, whatever remains undone and whatever mistakes I’ve made.
Words of hope
In my struggles with perfectionism, Psalm 103 has offered me much-needed words of hope. These are liberating words when my mind is filled with self-criticism, doubt or fear. They point me to a God of mercy, who knows all of my imperfections, yet still loves me and includes me in his plans.
As a follower of Jesus, I’m on a lifelong journey of getting to know this God better. I’m learning more about how I can trust him in my failures, weaknesses and fears. If you’re a fellow perfectionist, I hope exploring this psalm helps you on your journey too.
