Walking Alongside Those With Mental Health Struggles
- Loving Friendship (1)
- Giving Spiritual Support (2)
- Giving Practical Support (3)
In January, the Princess of Wales visited the Royal Marsden Hospital in London. She had been there as a patient, having chemotherapy. She stopped and empathised with the patients she met; she had been where they were and she knew how they might be feeling. She later posted: ‘My heartfelt thanks goes to all those who have quietly walked alongside William and me as we have navigated everything. We couldn’t have asked for more.’
I was struck by her description of what helped – people quietly walking alongside them. As pastoral helpers we should be alongside, not in front, pulling people to where we think they should be, nor behind them, pushing them to where we consider to be the best place for them, not telling them in prayer what to believe and do, but walking alongside.
What does it mean to be walking quietly alongside family, friends or church members who are facing challenging days due to mental health difficulties and to do that spiritually?
A good place to start is to remember that there is a spectrum when it comes to difficulties with our mental health. At one end is low mood and at the other end are some of the more serious mental illnesses such as Bipolar Disorder. Yet to be anywhere on that spectrum is challenging to the individual sufferers and their families. Mental health struggles are not simplistic moral failures so that we just need to ‘get a grip’ and ‘do the right thing’ and ‘read our Bibles and pray more’. They are debilitating conditions that sap every bit of our energy and suck out our hope for better days. It is akin to it being in Narnia where it is ‘always winter but never Christmas’.
Quick to listen, slow to speak
When we walk alongside others there’s no place for self-righteousness or judgmentalism. Instead, there should be a place for calm and kindness. As James encourages us, we need ‘to be quick to listen, slow to speak’ (Jas. 1:19). Only by listening carefully can we truly understand the struggles of another human being, who, like us, is made in the image of God and of inestimable value.
The Apostle Paul encourages us to adopt his stance: ‘We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children’ (1 Thess. 2:7). What does that mean? It means we are to nurture, protect and support. The many ‘one another’ texts of the New Testament (65 in all, of which 50 are commands) give us clear directions when it comes to offering spiritual support to troubled people. ‘Weeping with those who weep’ takes us to that place of empathy so that we don’t rush in with Bible verses that shout ‘victory’ or with songs of triumphalism. Bearing one another’s burdens, accepting one another, encouraging one another, the list goes on.
It is wise to handle the Scriptures with kid gloves. When I was a rookie pastor’s wife I recall visiting a dear sweet saint. She made strong tea and had a little box on a table by her favourite chair. As she carefully opened the box I noticed small scrolls of paper, rolled up next to each other. Taking a dinky pair of tweezers she randomly pulled out a scroll. Printed on the scroll was a Bible verse and she read it aloud, stating confidently that this was God’s Word for me. This was a Promise Box.
This approach to Scripture in pastoral care is hardly helpful. Verses we share must fit with the person’s experiences, where they are now and we can choose helpful texts if we’ve been listening carefully.
I prefer to ask if it is okay for me to share a Scripture verse. I don’t want to be the sixth person that day to read Romans 8:28 to them! Equally, if someone is struggling because of abuse it may well be that the Bible has been weaponised to control them and legitimise manipulation. Therefore there may be more listening to do before sharing Scripture is anything other than re-traumatising.
Helpful Scripture verses
The Bible does give voice to our pain and our questions. The Psalms are songs to sing or read when we are miserable. We could start with the Psalms of Lament which take up about two-thirds of the Psalter. Here are psalms that express pain, confusion and sometimes anger, all emotion is found there: ‘Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?’ (Ps. 10:1). If people can see themselves and their struggles in God’s Word in stark honesty it can help them to see that God knows and God cares.
I find that an inductive handling of Scripture can be more pastoral. For example, ‘When David says that he walks through the valley of the shadow of death, does that describe how things are for you at this moment?’
Job says, ‘When I looked for light, then came darkness’ (Job 30:26). For those that are in the darkness and brokenness of life we can turn to Psalm 88. The walk alongside takes us to a place of raw honesty and empathy as we share such Scriptures as these. It is alright to weep, to lament, and to pour out our despair in the darkness.
We remember the place of prayer. Jesus prayed in the darkness of Gethsemane and it cost him dearly to pour out his anguish. He is our forerunner in the place of honest prayer. It takes courage to pray such raw prayers and the Psalms of Lament give us that voice and the permission to do so.
When walking alongside people we need wisdom to know how, when, and if, to change the mood. Psalm 91 takes us to a place of rest in the ‘shadow of the Almighty’. I spent my childhood in the tropics and I remember the relief of the shade on a blistering hot day. Shadows bring relief. There are so many promises of help in the Psalms, for example, ‘I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth’ (Ps. 121:1).
Following Jesus’ pattern
Walking alongside takes us to the one who walked alongside two troubled disciples on the Emmaus Road in Luke 24. Jesus discoursed with them and he listened before he revealed himself. Walking alongside takes us to the place of sharing truths about the character of God that give us a solid foundation in times of tremor. God’s abiding love, his justice, his mercy and all his attributes are there for our comfort. We go to the one who is the ‘man of sorrows and acquainted with grief’ (Is. 53:3) to Jesus, our great high priest who above all is able to sympathise with our weaknesses.
After the end of World War II, these words were found etched on an underground wall in one of the concentration camps:
I believe in the sun, though it be dark;
I believe in God, though he be silent;
I believe in neighbourly love, though it be unable to reveal itself.
The words have been subsequently turned into a moving song for choral singing.
When God is silent, let’s not fill the silence with our words and our conjectures. We cannot speak for God; we can only speak of him when we walk gently alongside those facing the daily challenges of mental health struggles.
If you would like further support or help, please visit your GP and seek help from your local church.
