Walking Alongside Those With Mental Health Struggles
- Loving Friendship (1)
- Giving Spiritual Support (2)
- Giving Practical Support (3)
Angharad* has been coming to our wellbeing group. She has suffered with mental health difficulties for many years, having been diagnosed with manic depression. During one of the sessions, I sat with her and helped her complete the craft project which everyone else was doing. I was shocked when she said to me, ‘Thank you. No one has spent that amount of time with me before.’ From then on, as a group, we came alongside her to support her.
We developed a trusting relationship and there were times we challenged her behaviour. Angharad was given a role within the group by being responsible for making the drinks. She started attending the Sunday Service but because of medication and home issues, she had difficulty arriving on time and felt judged by some people when arriving late so stopped coming. We have explored the gospel within the wellbeing group and on a one-to-one basis and Angharad has enjoyed attending Christian events with us. We really value her and she has said how she feels accepted in a way she has not felt before.
Precious in God’s sight
People suffering with mental health difficulties are often stigmatised. People can take on the label given them such as ‘I am a manic depressive’, ‘I am depressed’, or ‘my anxiety is playing up’. This is different from the way we describe physical illness. Very few people would describe themselves as ‘I am atrial fibrillation’. They would probably say, ‘I have, or suffer from, atrial fibrillation.’ By seeing those with mental health difficulties as the person that God created them to be and not just their illness, we can give people their identity back and help them to see that they are valuable and precious in his sight.
The way we see the world is influenced by many different factors including our childhood, trauma, faith, etc. People with mental health difficulties or trauma may view the world differently to us and we need to be understanding and patient with them. Someone who has grown up in an abusive home may have a completely different perception of love than ours. When we try to share with them that they have a loving Heavenly Father, if their own father has been abusive then they may not be able to comprehend what we mean. We need to be able to demonstrate the Father’s love in the way we interact with them and be understanding of their needs.
We need to be aware that medication or their condition may affect their ability to fit into our ways and we may have to adapt for them. Angharad found it difficult to attend a traditional Sunday service, so we engaged on a one-to-one basis. Some people may not want to engage with groups of people but would appreciate you calling to their house, going for a walk, meeting up over coffee with them or even just having someone accompany them to church. Physical as well as mental health should also be encouraged with activities such as walking or other gentle exercise. Diet is also important but this may not be a priority for someone suffering with mental health difficulties. You could offer to exercise with them, do some shopping or even offer to cook them some meals.
Creating a safe environment
God created us as relational beings: ‘God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”’ (Gen. 2:18). One way of supporting people with mental health difficulties is to create a safe, healing environment within our churches where they can relate with others. There is much research showing the detrimental effects of loneliness. Creating wellbeing groups, coffee mornings or ‘knit and natter’ groups can offer us the opportunity to develop relationships with people. Relationships are key in engaging with anyone, it can be as important as what we say or do. If we do not have a good relationship, however good our skills are, we will not engage with them. Although Angharad had been coming to our wellbeing group for some time, it was not until I did the craft activity with her that we engaged.
Developing good communication skills such as active listening, use of open questions, being aware of body language, mirroring, use of minimal prompts, etc. are essential skills to develop. Soul Care Cymru regularly holds such courses.
As well as being supportive we also need to be challenging. Because of the relationship we have developed with Angharad, there are times we can encourage her to come to church when she has become depressed, and when she becomes over-excited or outspoken, we can help her identify and manage her behaviour. Because of this relationship, she feels accepted and confident within church. Challenging should be gentle and come from a good relationship which can take time to develop.
It is also important to support the families of people suffering from mental illness. If John* in church is suffering from depression perhaps some ladies could take his wife out for coffee or something she enjoys doing. If John needs someone to stay with him for his wife to go out perhaps this is something the church can do.
Some Christians can feel ashamed when taking mental health medication. They may feel they should be trusting the Lord. Stopping taking mental health medication (as with any medication) can have severe consequences if not done under medical supervision. If we become aware of anyone with a severe mental health condition not taking medication, we should encourage them to speak to their doctor or speak to the doctor ourselves.
Creating safe boundaries
Creating safe boundaries for yourself, the person you are supporting and other church members is essential. Be aware of any safeguarding risks when supporting someone with mental illness and manage these risks appropriately. Have boundaries in your relationships such as where you will meet, how long for and frequency. Do not overcommit. If you are being phoned, have times you can and cannot be contacted. Having boundaries in your relationship is healthy for you and for the person you are supporting.
You need to look after yourself, as it can be draining to support someone with a mental illness. Consider your well-being and look for ways in which you can relax and enjoy yourself. Develop a network of people you can gain support from, such as mental health professionals or other community groups.
Develop a network of people who can pray for you. Always maintain confidentiality and never discuss the person you are supporting in a way they can be identified. However, if you feel that the person you are supporting or others are at risk confidentiality may need to be broken. The limitations of confidentiality should be discussed with the person being supported so that if it needs to be broken it can be done amicably.
Know your boundaries and limitations and never go beyond them. Expand your knowledge and skills by attending community mental health courses such as Mental Health First Aid, Suicide First Aid, etc. Soul Care Cymru offers training from a Christian perspective.
For more information on Soul Care Cymru contact soulcarecymru@gmail.com
*Angharad and John are fictional characters developed from several people I have had the immense privilege of supporting.
If you would like further support or help, please visit your GP and seek help from your local church.